Roommate Survival Tip #1: Talk to your roommate! Get to know your roommate — what they like and don’t like, what they are interested in, what hobbies they enjoy.  As you start to see different sides to your roommate, the added contextualization you’ll gain will help you work out differences in perspectives or any disagreements that may arise.  Even if you don’t ever become great friends, having an understanding of each other will help you get along better. Discuss expectations and any pet peeves that might not be obvious. Don’t be hesitate to speak up if his/her actions bother you.  Honesty, with tact, can go a long way.  Communicate often — for example, tell your roommate when big, important events (tests, papers, competitions, etc.) are coming up soon.  That way, you can help each other be more considerate.

Roommate Survival Tip #2: Sometimes, know when it’s smarter just to keep quiet.  Don’t be afraid to discuss things with your roommate, but know which battles to pick and which small things to keep quiet about.  Don’t tell your roommate about all of the little annoying actions or habits.  Take on a long-term perspective: because you’ll have to live with the same person for an entire semester or more, it’s not helpful to nit-pick every little thing.  It takes people a while to adjust to college life and living with a stranger, so cut your roommate a little slack for the less important things.

Roommate Survival Tip #3: Try to understand where your roommate is coming from.  People are different!  Some people have quirky preferences and need privacy in certain areas that don’t really make sense to you.  Try to respect these things about people and realize that what is obvious for one person isn’t always so clear for another.  People have different upbringings and may be used to situations that are likely different than yours.  Subtle cultural differences can be even trickier to recognize and account for.  Try your best to see through your roommate’s eyes.  At the same time, always tell him or her your perspective and where you’re coming from so that he or she also understands you.

Roommate Survival Tip #4: Work out agreements and compromise if necessary.  If you and your roommate must agree to disagree, then the best you can do is negotiate a written agreement, in which both sides may need to make concessions.  This can be especially useful for household chores like cleaning, splitting costs of utilities, how food should be shared, working out repairs, etc. Come up with a cleaning schedule or decide in advance which conditions to be met.  For especially controversial disagreements, bring in a third-party mediator if necessary.

Follow these tips and you’ll be on your way to a much more tolerable — or even enjoyable — living situation.

Tips for Dealing with Tragedy

• Develop a personal plan to ensure your safety in a similar situation.
• Use reliable sources to keep up-to-date on developments and information.
• Be aware that a range of emotions are normal following tragic events ranging from depression, anxiousness, anger and numbness.
• If you feel depressed, anxious or angry, be sure to be honest and talk to friends, family, ministers or others around you. Don’t internalize and don’t withdraw.
• If you feel overwhelmed by your emotions, seek help from your school mental health center.
• Don’t be frightened by traumatic stress reactions. And don’t be surprised if it takes a little time before you start feeling like your old self again.
• Keep your daily life as normal as possible to reduce stress. That means don’t start any new or major projects unless absolutely necessary (you can start your new “diet” next month when you are feeling better).
• Do things that help you feel good and increase your feelings of self-control.
• Stay busy but don’t forget to take time for relaxation and leisure activities.
• Get some exercise, even if it is just a walk in the neighborhood with a family member or friend.
• Be sure to eat properly and regularly even if food doesn’t have its normal appeal. Otherwise your energy level will decrease and your recovery will be slowed.
• Avoid the temptation to “numb out” with drugs and alcohol.
• Limit your intake of caffeine (a stimulant) and sugar, especially if you are having difficulty sleeping.
• If you are having difficulty sleeping (which is a common reaction), don’t lie there tossing and turning. Get up and do something until you are able to fall asleep.
• Be prepared for “trigger” stimuli that may cause a stress reaction (for example, seeing an article about a similar event in the newspaper).
• Work toward eventually accepting the event and coming to peace about its consequences.
• Seek professional counseling if necessary.

Tips on How to Help Your Friend or Loved One

It is typical for people to feel a variety of emotions after a traumatic event. Here are some tips that can help you assist a friend or loved one who is experiencing grief due to a traumatic event.

1. Spend time with the person who experienced the trauma. Very often you don’t even have to say much just “being there” for them can be as helpful as anything you might be able to say.
2. Encourage the person to talk about her feelings and emotions. But avoid telling the person “Everything will be OK” or “I know how you must feel.” Your role is to be a good listener. You don’t have to fix the situation (make it all better) or offer a rational explanation of why the event happened.
3. Be respectful if the person requests some private time. But don’t assume the person wants to be alone just because he doesn’t seek you out first.
4. Offer specific help. Avoid saying something vague, such as “How can I help?” Instead, say something such as “Can I help by taking care of the kids tonight?” or “Would it be OK if I brought dinner over tonight?”
5. Remember that everyone (men, women and people of all ages) can be affected by a traumatic event.
6. Sometimes people in trauma say or do things they wouldn’t do under normal circumstances. So don’t take it personally.
7. Offer to accompany the individual to any events associated with the trauma (funerals, investigative hearings, court, etc.).